Loving Out Loud

Loving Loudly? Loudly Loving? Whatever: just do it.

I’m pretty sure that I share (both online and when I’m in the same room) how I feel about my loved ones more than the average person. I am someone who enjoys making sure that others know where they stand in my heart. I spread “I love yous” around like seeds in a wildflower garden. If I’m proud of them, I almost* always say it.

This habit has definitely intensified as I’ve grown older. Naturally I absolutely love when someone I love affirms how they feel about me, or tells me something that makes me feel really good, but it’s equally nice to be on the giving end of it. I don’t share my feelings with others while having expectations of anything like a similar share in return: just making others feel comforted/happy/loved makes me feel really good/cozy/happy. It’s another one of those win-win situations.

There are lots of ways to love people out loud. The easiest one for me is what I wrote above: just saying it. I am effusive without worrying what others think about that, even on social media. If anyone is going to feel internally like I’m some kind of weirdo for publicly expressing my love for someone else, that’s really just sad and it tells me that perhaps they are missing something in their own life. Go big or go home.

Have you told someone how you feel about them today?

There are lots of ways to loudly love others: the possibilities are endless, really. If you’re in need of ideas, I’d suggest that you consider the five love languages that Gary Chapman, PhD wrote in his 1992 book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Thinking about these categories can get the creative part of your brain going:

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Gifts

3. Acts of Service

4. Quality Time

5. Physical Touch

I already detailed how I use words of affirmation. I love giving gifts, too. I am not ashamed to say that I’m a pretty good gift-giver. I’m that person who is making notes in her phone when someone mentions a cool thing they’d love to have or a new hobby they’ve taken up. I love creating something with my own hands that I know someone else will appreciate, especially if they also enjoy making handmade things: fellow makers have a sense of enhanced appreciation for the gift AND the time and effort that went into it.

Acts of service can be random acts of kindness, or they can be a specific response to an expressed need.

Quality time is a great one, especially in this age of Technology Overload. Making a point to spend time with someone during which you give them and the activity (whether you’re having a conversation, spending the day at an amusement park, cooking together, whatever) your full attention has bonuses attached to it: connection, strengthened relationships, memory creation, a recharged internal battery, and more.

Last but not least, physical touch is pretty awesome (unless you’re the type of person who doesn’t like to be touched, then it’s probably pretty bad: hopefully when you’re expressing your love loudly, you’ve previously considered whether the recipient is a fan of physical touch and if you don’t know, you’d certainly want to ask). I just returned from a weekend visiting my late BFF’s husband and two of their daughters and, ahead of the trip, I told the girls in our text thread that they’d better be ready for huge hugs because I was going to squeeze them until it became awkward. (Though we did hug for much longer than what is typical, it wasn’t awkward. So either we didn’t hug long enough OR we just all needed that comforting touch: probably both.)

If this isn’t part of your way of living, I encourage you to give it a shot. When we are openly loving towards others, there’s nothing to lose—and everything to gain.

*I only put “almost” up there because I don’t want to have an absolute “always” hanging out there in the wind and then someday, someone will say “You know, there was that time when I did something really cool and I heard from someone else how proud you were. I wish you would have told me directly.” Not that that would happen, but just in case it does, I’m covering my butt. And if that does happen/has happened, my deepest apologies to the person I neglected. My goodness. Who’s got two thumbs and got everyone else’s share of self-awareness back at the factory? THIS GIRL.