When a Demotion Is Helpful
On letting it go, Elsa-style.
I started reviewing my rusty German language skills with the Duolingo app during the pandemic. It was a great time to develop some new habits, and I absolutely loved the ritual of brushing my teeth in the morning, getting dressed (most days), and sitting on the couch while doing a lesson or two (or five).
One of the features of Duolingo is the incentive to do enough lessons and earn enough “XP” points to keep yourself moving up the chain of ten leagues which are, from lowest to highest: Bronze, Silver, Gold, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald, Amethyst, Pearl, Obsidian, and Diamond.
With all of the free time we had in the lockdown stage of the pandemic, it wasn’t long before I blew through the first nine leagues and reached the Diamond League.
Then I stayed there, for six years.
I adore learning more and more about the German language. My progress was made clear when we visited Munich in October 2023, and I know that the next time we head over there (hopefully next year), I will have even better conversations with the locals. Those lessons have been valuable.
But the longer I was in the Diamond League, the more it became a compulsion to do enough lessons every day to stay there. If I checked in on my standing on a Saturday and I was in (or near) the Demotion Zone (if you know, you know), I would make sure to do enough lessons to get back up towards the top before Sunday evening, which is when the weekly competition ends and everyone either gets promoted, demoted, or stays in their current league.
A little more than a year ago, I actually reached the end of the German lessons on Duolingo. I wasn’t keeping an eye on my course progress so I wasn’t expecting it at all, but one day I completed a unit and the next day when I opened the app I was greeted by a circular display of review lessons (eight of them, I think). Duolingo was in the process of adding higher learning levels, but until then I’d have to entertain myself in the review loop.
So I did, because the ability to earn points was still there and I didn’t want to leave the Diamond League and, truly, reviewing is fine. FINE!
This whole episode makes me chuckle because it reminds me of my therapist telling me at one of my earlier sessions, “I’m just not sure if a person like you (meaning, someone who has perfectionist and compulsive tendencies) should really be wearing an Apple Watch.” This comment came after a discussion about how I loved having a daily goal of closing my fitness rings (Move, Exercise, and Stand), and how I would do some walking laps through the rooms of my house at night if my rings hadn’t yet closed.
Eventually, I stopped doing that. I have turned into the kind of person who only mildly cares about ring closure as it relates to my healthy habits. I’ve gotten good at giving myself a break in that category.
But with Duolingo, I found myself hanging onto the Diamond League for dear life. I reviewed the heck out of old German lessons for a whole year. I had so many conversations with Lilly, the sarcastic teenager character with purple hair, that I started sassing her back and also calling her out on her bullshit. Once she said something about eating meat and I was all, “WAIT A HOT SECOND, LILLY. YOU ARE A VEGETARIAN.”
Life got really busy this spring: there was a seven-week period during which I was traveling on most of the weekends, catching up with my weekend chores during the week while working, working out, and planning the baby shower for our son and daughter-in-law. Staying in the Diamond League was starting to get more and more difficult and, finally, on baby shower weekend I let it go.
I became an Obsidian League member for the first time in six years. And do you know what? It didn’t bother me. Actually, I felt immense relief.
But wait, there’s more: while I told myself (and my Instagram followers, via a story) that I’d be back up on top the following week, I was not. And I wasn’t the week after, either.
In fact, as of this past Sunday I’m now a proud member of the Pearl League.
While Duolingo wants me to spend as much time as possible on the app (we do have the ad-free version, thank goodness), I don’t think I’m interested in dropping other things in my life anymore just to stay on top of a competition that I don’t need to care about.
I realized that what I truly appreciate about Duolingo is the ability to practice a language I love, not a competition that doesn’t matter. The only person I’m really ever interested in competing with is myself anyway, and as I have released the stress of making myself do The Most for no good reason, I know that I have gained time, brain space, and peace of mind where Duolingo is concerned…while losing nothing.
I feel like I could have written this. I'm obsessed with my streak (and managed to keep doing Duolingo during hurricane Helene.) I'm only at 1338 days of doing Duolingo and I'm learning to not care about the league I'm in. I swore I wouldn't use this app because I can't let myself break a good streak (my Kindle streak is 2717 days and counting...) but here we are.
I didn't know that about Duolingo (the leagues!) My kids both use it (one for school, one for fun), but I haven't delved into it. I did, however, sacrifice my Apple Watch earlier this year. I was getting so wrapped up in rings and pushing higher, and it became stressful instead of helpful. So I get it!